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We May Be Subconsciously Sabotaging Our Relationship And Not Know It!

We May Be Subconsciously Sabotaging Our Relationship And Not Know It!

Home » Relationship » We May Be Subconsciously Sabotaging Our Relationship And Not Know It!

Do you find yourself getting in your own way of finding ‘the one’?


For some people, being in a relationship can be a little difficult. This is especially true if they are susceptible to relationship anxiety or are chronic worriers.

Read on to gain some insight to find out more on why some people are prone to sabotaging their romantic relationships and how to curb this before it destroys a budding romance or marriage!


What Are The Signs That A Person Is Getting In The Way Of Their Own Romantic Relationships Without Knowing?


  • When the person panics and doesn’t feel emotionally safe with the partner
  • Deny longing to be emotionally close to their partner and focus instead on actions that give only some degree of expression
  • Experiences some degree of fear when there is a degree of disagreement with their partner
  • They wind up demanding rather than requesting
  • They do not feel confident in their relationships

Why Would A Person Unconsciously Sabotage Their Own Romantic Relationships?


In a relationship, when we suddenly perceive a negative shift in our sense of connection to a loved one or when we sense threat or danger to the relationship, we experience what neuroscientist Jaak Panksepp of Washington State University calls “primal panic”.


When a person is under panic mode, they unconsciously either become demanding and clingy in an effort to draw comfort and reassurance from the partner or they withdraw and detach in an attempt to soothe and protect themselves.


What Is The First Step To Take To Address The Relationship Issue?


One thing about noticeable about Asian couples is that they tend to seek help only at the eleventh hour. It is often after considerable contemplation and overcoming severe emotional barrier in order to take this step. Even then it is also because they have exhausted all their personal means of help.


Nevertheless, every couple is different and so when they choose to seek help it will depend on the nature of the issue they are facing. If they are worried about their relationship for whatever reason and feel they both are unable to reach a conclusion alone, it is likely that they will benefit from couples counselling.


As cliche as it sounds, best not to wait until things get bad before trying couples counselling. Many couples use counselling sessions as a way to keep their relationship healthy and to address underlying concerns that may become conflict in the future. Similarly, receiving help early brings early relief.


What Is A Healthy Romantic Relationship?


A healthy relationship is when the couple feels safe to relate deeply to one another. They feel generally secure, which means, they are comfortable with closeness and confidently depending on one another. They are good at seeking support and better at giving it.


They feel safe connecting to their partner, easily get over the hurt their partner unavoidably cause, and they are less likely to get angry or hostile when they get mad at them.


How Can A Person Maintain A Healthy Relationship?


  • First, increase positive connections and intimacy in the relationship and along with increasing one’s own self-awareness and understanding of the partner. Understand that intimacy in means closeness and connectedness and sharing each other’s vulnerabilities, not just sex.
  • Second, Do your part! Don’t just focus that your spouse is the source of the problems. Even if he/she plays a part to it, you have lot of control over what you can do to help in the relationship.
  • Third, a healthy relationship is teamwork. Keep the fun and friendship, make the relationship a safe haven. A healthy relationship is when each member does their part.
  • Fourth, be realistic about each other’s expectations.
  • Fifth, “make love and not war”. Seek ways to understand and accommodate each other.

What Is The Advice For A Person Who Might Be Doubting Their Ability To Maintain A Healthy Romantic Relationship?


There is no perfect ideal man or woman. There is no marriage made in heaven. Each one must invest love, respect and trust, in making the relationship work. Without this ‘investment’ there will be no harmonious relationship.


“We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.” – Tom Robbins

Naomi Truong

Naomi Troung is a YesMyWellness.com author covering topics such as fitness, relationship, beauty and general wellness and wellbeing issues. She is a certified Yoga teacher from the Yoga Institute in Mumbai India and yes, she is also Muay Thai enthusiast and can been working out her moves at her regular gym.

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